Story 03: Matthew grapples w/ addressing students’ tough questions.

My name is Matthew and I've been teaching history since 2022.

What made me happy this week >>>

A bit of free time. Most days I feel like I am running around like a chicken without my head however this weekend I felt like I had more time the I knew what to do with. It was a nice change of pace.

Teacher pressure feels like >>>

Teacher pressure is the pressure I place upon myself. Gaining student approval, achieving administrative goals or avoiding the fire and brimstone of parents all create a sense of pressure but that is surface level. Those come and go and act as simply footnotes to days that will long be forgotten come the decades that will pass.

The real pressure is the idea that I will fail.

Every teacher is unique. They have their own voice and their own way of doing things. I feel like one of the reasons I am on this Earth is to have my voice be heard. To have these young minds in front of me and to give them the knowledge they need to go forth into the world and have a chance at survival and success.

Being a history teacher means that this is the only room where life alternating subjects can be discussed. War, racism, famine, economics, fascism, plagues, ethics, the list goes on. We are experts in the past in the hope that it helps guide us into the future. And to teach them the past is to help create in them their own sense of foresight into their own life decisions as well as what is happening around them. To help them make sense of their own messing lives and hopefully come to peace with them.

The pressure is that I only have one year, 180 days, to teach these kids and if I "fail" they will never have an opportunity to be my student again. To hear what needs to be said. Furthermore, what if I say the wrong thing? Or pass along the wrong idea? What should be said when we are speaking of poverty in the industrial revolution and a student mentions that they aren't allowed to eat on the weekends because their family doesn't have the money for it? What should be said when we talk about the slave trade and a student spits on the floor and says she will never forgive the white man for what they did to her people. There is a lot of weight on every single word that we say and often times silence is the worst answer possible. Students often come to us with questions and because of the subject that I teacher there is no hiding behind, "Oh well I can only talk about Math or this has nothing to do with todays grammar lesson." The horrifying part is not that these questions are asked of me or my colleagues but that we are often the only ones who have even a chance to answer them. It is a lot to bear on ones shoulders.

I have noticed that as I tell people in the world that I am a teacher more and more I receive the same response, that being, "I never liked history in school, it was so boring. But now that I'm older I wished that I paid more attention." I feel like their teachers failed them, as I will inevitably fail some of mine. However, it is in that pressure that I become a better teacher. One that will drive me for decades to grow and become the educator that the students sitting in front of me deserve to have.

Teaching in 3 words >>>

Constant, Chaotic, Noble

Why I became a teacher >>>

I discovered I had a passion for History in high school and wanted to do something with it. That naturally lead me down the path to being a teacher.

A proud moment >>>

I have a student who did not seem willing nor capable of doing any of their work. Completely out of their league. For the past month or so they have been trying. Going from and F to a C+. I don’t think that I am the sole reason for this shift as it appeared almost randomly however I am very proud of the adjustment they are starting to make.

My current burnt-out level >>>

(low) 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 -5 - 6 - 7 - 8 (high)

A sad moment >>>

I have a girl in my classroom and her mother uses her in a sort of Munchausen's by proxy type situation where she is always out sick and she is limited to what she can do. She is physically in good health but every week she seems to have a new rare disease. She missed 50 days of school before Christmas break. Not only is she suffering academically but her mental state is all but in shambles. When she is in class she often breaks out in tears because of anxiety and how horrible/embarrassed she feels about herself. The school took the family to court for truancy but nothing has changed.

My support level >>>

(low) 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 -5 - 6 - 7 - 8 (high)

A frustrating moment >>>

I am frustrated with my department teachers as we are required to all have the same lessons. So all of US 1 must have the same lessons, and so forth with every subject. I do not enjoy our lessons, they do not sit with my strengths as a teacher, and equates to just giving busy work on the Chromebook. It feels like they are stuck teaching as if we are still locked down during covid. Any adjustments I try to make get me ostracized more and more by the group.

To replenish >>>

I can simply have alone time.

Best teaching advice >>>

It's a marathon, not a race. Teaching is a roller-coaster and as soon as you think you have it under control something new starts the ride all over again. Embrace it.

Where I see myself in 5 years >>>

I see myself teaching, ideally at the same school I am at now. A little wiser. A little better.

Something I’d like to try >>>

I want to have an elective for Theology. One that I doubt I will ever have because its public school. I also would love to have a History through Literature class where we read historical fiction and use that to talk about ethics, sociology, and philosophy.